‘I hurt that child, and I have to live with that’ – Former 2FM DJ Nikki Hayes on motherhood and what success is
The Wicklow PeopleA year on from leaving rehabilitation and 18 months after a high-profile court case, DJ Nikki Hayes says motherhood is now the force driving her recovery from addiction and homelessness.
The former Irish radio star, originally from Bray, has endured a life marked by success and struggle, including a near-deadly addiction to alcohol.
Born Eimear O’Keeffe, she described herself as a “functioning addict” for most of her life, with her drinking beginning at just 11 years of age.
Now in recovery, Hayes said being a mother is central to her motivation to stay sober, admitting that addiction caused her to lose her sense of identity.
She said she suffered postnatal depression after the birth of her daughter Farah, which “unlocked” deeper issues and accelerated her addiction.
She described how, during the worst periods of her addiction, her daughter was cared for by her father, something she now acknowledges was the right decision.
“I was very lucky,” she said. “Her dad stepped in and gave her a wonderful upbringing when things were going bad for me.”
Hayes said many women in addiction are not as fortunate, with some losing custody of their children without clear pathways to reunification.
She criticised the lack of support structures, saying there are very limited facilities in Ireland where mothers can enter treatment while keeping their children.
“You can’t really have both,” she said. “If you want recovery, you often have to give up your children, and that’s something many women just can’t face.”
She added that this creates a major barrier to seeking help, with many mothers avoiding treatment out of fear of losing their children.
“That shouldn’t even be a question they have to ask,” she said.
Hayes also pointed to stigma as a major issue, particularly for mothers.
“As a woman you get stigma, but as a mother it’s even worse. Instead of people seeing someone who is sick and needs help, they see a bad mother.”
She said greater investment in services and a shift in public understanding is needed.
“Addiction doesn’t choose, it affects everyone,” she said. “We need more education, more support and more facilities so people aren’t afraid to ask for help.”
Now focused on rebuilding her life, Hayes said her daughter remains her driving force. “I hurt that child, and I have to live with that,” she said. “I will never do that again.”
It’s completely different. It’s not defined by my career anymore. I know that I am successful in my recovery, which brings me great joy, but the main thing is I feel I’m successful as a mother, because I’m choosing recovery, and I’m choosing my daughter over everything else, and that’s the way it should be when you’re a mother.
Hayes said her addictive personality began at a young age, but denied that her radio fame caused it, instead saying it enabled it.
“It was already there, but in the radio industry, especially when I was at the height of my career, it enabled my addiction.”
While working with 2FM, she was jet-setting around the globe for press junkets and single releases, which came with a lot of socialising.
“I was a young person and I was highly functioning, but it did enable my addiction.”
She began her radio career at 15 in pirate radio, before moving to East Coast FM and later to Spin, eventually being headhunted by RTÉ 2FM. After seven and a half years, she was let go in 2010.
She had her daughter in 2013 after rejoining Spin. However, during her second spell, Ms Hayes said she had outgrown the brand, as she was then aged 34 and “felt out of place”.
Nikki Hayes at Spin 1038. Photo: Ronan Lang
Hayes joined Classic Hits, remaining there until Covid, when she lost her job due to her excessive drinking, which began to get in the way of her work.
Reflecting on what she would tell her younger self, she recalled advice from her father, who has since passed away. “He told me, ‘you’re going to need a thick skin, the media will build you up to pull you down’.”
She said she did not understand it at the time but now realises “you need to be able to deal with everything” and not get caught up in the highs, as “it all needs to even out”.
Her rock bottom came during a period of homelessness in Dublin city centre, where she recalled a traumatic night contemplating suicide.
“I was lying on a bench. It was lashing rain, it was cold. I’d gone up to the Simon Community outreach service on Capel Street and rang the bell. You tell them where you’re sleeping and they come out. They knew where I was because they’d called most nights,” Hayes said.
“They came out and said, ‘look, we just don’t have an emergency bed for you unfortunately, the best we can do is give you another sleeping bag’. So they gave me a sleeping bag and I put that over the one I was already in and that got soaked really quickly as well.
“I just remember lying there feeling really dirty, really smelly, like nothing, like a nobody. Two guards walked past me and didn’t even look at me. I thought they might notice and come over and ask if I was alright, but they didn’t.
“Then there was a Christmas party coming out of the church nightclub. They were all out in the square behind the venue. They easily saw me, but they didn’t see me. I was invisible.
“I just felt like a piece of shit at that moment. I thought this is it. I am nothing. I am nobody. Nobody cares. It took everything in me not to go and throw myself into the Liffey that night.”
Since entering the rehabilitation centre Tiglin in November 2023, she has worked to rebuild her life. She thanks Tiglin for “saving her life”. While in rehabilitation, Hayes did all forms of therapy and recovery work, which also helped her return to “faith” and build a friendship with Tiglin co-founder Aubrey McCarthy.
“His support to me has blown my mind, and my key worker still texts me every few days and the support is unreal.”
After finishing her time in Tiglin on April 9, 2025, she was given transitional living and has since moved into her own apartment.
Since getting sober, Hayes has documented her journey on social media to keep herself publicly accountable.
“It began as like having another sponsor, daily I’m stating I’m an addict and acknowledging who I am.”
Hayes has used her platform to help her followers into residential rehabilitation.
“Since doing a Sunday Independent piece with journalist Niamh Horan, I’ve got thousands of messages,” said Hayes, before adding that her story shows that you can lose everything but build it back up.
Hayes had been staying in a tourist hostel when she was arrested and appeared before a judge on charges of money laundering €15,000 in October 2024.
“I was shell-shocked by the whole thing, and then to read it in the newspapers the next day, I was shocked,” she said.
However while undergoing treatment for her addiction, she was also dealing with that highly publicised court case, which ultimately concluded with a judge releasing her from the indictment with no conviction.
Asked what message she would give to other addicts, Hayes said: “You think ‘I’m only hurting myself’. You think that, you know, it’s all about you. But the thing is, there are so many people who care. If you have family, you know, they are being affected by your addiction.”
She added: “They care, they love you. If you have friends, the same thing. But even if you don’t, there are still people who care. All you have to do is reach out your hand and grab the hand that’s waiting there to help you.”
Now aged 46, she said her idea of success has changed. She said being able to do something she loves now defines success for her.
“It’s completely different. It’s not defined by my career anymore. I know that I am successful in my recovery, which brings me great joy, but the main thing is I feel I’m successful as a mother, because I’m choosing recovery, and I’m choosing my daughter over everything else, and that’s the way it should be when you’re a mother,” Hayes said.
“So success to me now is defined by the people I have around me rather than the possessions that I have, whereas before it would have been, have I got a pair of Manolo Blahniks, have I got this, have I got that. Not anymore. It’s about the people and the company I keep.”
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