‘How do you prove a look?’ – Wicklow campaigners say coercive control law is failing victims in courts
The Wicklow PeopleSupport services in Wicklow are raising concerns that coercive control laws are not working as intended, with many victims facing significant barriers when seeking justice.
Despite growing awareness of this hidden form of abuse, those on the frontline say proving it in court remains one of the biggest obstacles.
Coercive control is a form of domestic abuse that often leaves no visible marks, yet its impact can be deeply damaging.
Unlike physical violence, it is characterised by patterns of behaviour designed to dominate, isolate and instil fear.
This abuse can take many forms. It may involve a partner constantly monitoring someone’s whereabouts, questioning who they speak to, or demanding access to their phone, passwords and social media accounts.
It can also include controlling finances, restricting contact with friends and family, or making it difficult for a person to work, study or make independent decisions. Victims are often subjected to repeated criticism, belittlement and manipulation.
They may be made to feel as though they are overreacting or imagining problems. Some are threatened with losing their children or damaging their reputation.
“If someone makes you question your reality, feel afraid to express your needs, or feel guilty for having emotions, that is emotional abuse,” said a spokesperson for ANU Wicklow Domestic Violence Supports.
The organisation said recognising these behaviours is an important first step and that support is available to anyone who may be experiencing them.
Hayley Murphy, the outreach coordinator for ANU, described coercive control as an abuse that is often hidden in plain sight.
“It does not always leave bruises. It does not always come with witnesses. Yet for those living through it, it is constant, suffocating and deeply damaging,” said Ms Murphy.
She said many victims find themselves changing who they are to keep the peace and walking on eggshells in their own homes.
“This is what coercive control looks like. It is the look that silences. The tone that intimidates. The silent treatment. It is checking the mileage on your car, wanting to know where you are at all times, controlling money and limiting your independence,” said Ms Murphy.
She added that over time, this behaviour erodes a person’s sense of self, confidence and autonomy.
Although coercive control is recognised in Irish law, there are concerns about how effectively it is enforced.
“How do you prove a look? How do you prove fear built day by day?” said Ms Murphy.
She said the nature of coercive control, which often happens in private without witnesses, makes it difficult to prove in court.
As a result, cases rarely proceed and, when they do, the charge can be overshadowed by other offences.
In some cases, perpetrators plead guilty to lesser charges, such as assault, in exchange for coercive control charges being dropped.
For victims, this can feel like a failure of justice.
Many are faced with giving evidence and being cross-examined about deeply personal experiences, often without dedicated legal support.
Wicklow TD Jennifer Whitmore said more must be done to address domestic and gender-based violence.
“I see more and more really tragic situations of domestic violence and gender-based violence, and it feels like we are getting further and further away from actually being able to deal with this as a country,” said Ms Whitmore.
“I know centres like Bray Women’s Refuge do incredible work, but we need the government to properly invest to ensure this issue is tackled and that supports are there for women.”
She added that women need to feel safe, both in their homes and in their communities.
“Women have dealt with this for far too long. They need support and they need to feel safe, whether that is in their home or in their community. Women need, deserve and should feel safe wherever they are,” said Ms Whitmore.
Campaigners have also raised concerns about how domestic violence laws are working in practice. Ms Murphy pointed to proposed measures such as Jenny’s Law, which would create a register of domestic violence offenders.
Jenny’s Law is named after Jennifer Poole, who was murdered by her ex-partner.
While such measures have been welcomed, she said delays in implementation mean victims are still left without adequate protection.
“Legislation can be introduced with urgency, but it can take years to make a real impact. Every delay leaves people living in fear,” said Ms Murphy.
Coercive control is not a single incident, but an ongoing pattern that strips away identity, independence and self-worth.
While awareness has grown, questions remain about whether enough is being done to protect victims.
"The question must be asked, why is it taking so long, and how many more must suffer while we wait?” said Ms Murphy.
Support is available from ANU Wicklow Domestic Violence Supports on 086 059 7560, Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm, while Bray Women’s Refuge operates a 24-hour helpline on 01 286 6163.
If you need support outside Wicklow, contact Women's Aid on 1800 34 19 00, email helpline@womensaid.ie or see womensaid.ie
Women’s Aid also have a text service for deaf and hard of hearing women available 8am – 8pm, seven days a week on 087 959 7980.
You can also get help via Men's Aid Ireland on 01 554 3811, hello@mensaid.ie or mensaid.ie